I am a former MJJCommunity member, albeit with a new account now. Here's what happened since I last left.

DJs_Doodles

Daryl Joel 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️
Joined
Mar 25, 2024
Messages
275
Points
43
Location
Wisconsin
Country
United-States
Hello MJJCommunity!

If you're an MJJCommunity veteran or have been very active on this website around early to late 2023, chances are that you may remember me. My name is Daryl Joel, or DJ. I am an 18-year-old Michael Jackson superfan from Wisconsin, USA. My old account went by the name of @DarylJoel_B. Although I still remember the account's password, my reasons for creating a new account rather than just logging back in to my old one are rather personal.

During the time I was an MJJCommunity member on that account, I was going through one of the worst periods of my life. My profile posts definitely reflect the difficult feelings that I was battling from the day I first joined to the day I planned to leave for good. The reason why I joined this site at all was also brought about by some difficult circumstances involving my relationship with my mother.

For some extra context, I am a transgender man who is also openly gay. I've been socially transitioning from female to male since I was 14 years old. While most of the people in my life are accepting of my gender identity, my mother is not accepting. She never has been, and probably never will.

From the ages of 14-16, I had several Michael Jackson fan pages on Instagram, participated in several Michael Jackson fan spaces online, and found a place where I could be myself and express my interests without my mother's backlash. Unfortunately, however, my mother then discovered the truth. She discovered that I was very active on social media and very open about my queer identity. As I expected, she did not approve. She also lectured me one day, holding my phone in her hand, about how my supportive friends were a "bad influence", that I was "brainwashed" into "defying" her. Throughout the years, she has also repeatedly tried to gaslight me into believing that I wasn't trans, saying things like, "You're too young to know if you're trans, you're just seeking attention", etc.

Using the app Google Family Link, she then put several restrictions on my phone for two whole years. She told the app that I was 13 (even though I was 16 when this started) so she could go through with it successfully. These restrictions prevented me from downloading "inappropriate" apps, to browse the Internet, or even watch YouTube. Even if I were to download an "acceptable" app, I always had to get her permission before downloading it. She also made a new Google account for me that had my deadname (my birth name) in it, and I was not allowed to change it to my preferred name. The rule was that I would be put under these restrictions until I turned 18 years old.

She claimed these restrictions were put in place to "protect" me, but I never felt protected. She violated my privacy, forced me to come out her when I didn't feel ready, and I always knew deep down that it was only her attempt to silence me in the hopes that I would detransition somehow when I was away from "bad influences." Only, of course, that's not how being transgender works! Nobody has ever "influenced" me to be trans, and you can't "influence" anyone to be trans. It's just who I am. And thus, of course, I continued to identify as trans during this period. And because my supportive spaces (apart from school) were severely limited, my gender dysphoria actually worsened. I felt a lot more depressed and isolated. I passed the time watching YouTube on my school computer and eventually created my first MJJCommunity account, where I was open about my identity again (safely) for the first time in a while. However, additional troubles with my mental health made me quit the website in August 2023, with me only logging in occasionally to view old memories.

From September 2023 to now, I began mentally rebuilding myself. I got into my first adult relationship, gained my access to my old Instagram pages back, and even made TikTok videos. However, I am now taking a hiatus from both of those spaces and have since broken up with my now ex-boyfriend. Things have been hectic lately, but I still want to rebuild myself, how I present myself online, how I interact with others, and how I express my love for Michael Jackson, my idol. I also want to bring more of my creative ideas to fruition.

I never thought I would return to this site again, but here I am. It feels absolutely euphoric to be back again and to feel ready to start all over. After reading old messages I've received here, this is an MJ fan space I don't think I'll ever totally abandon. And from now on, this will be my one and only active MJJCommunity account from now on. @DarylJoel_B is simply an archive account now.

Despite the difficulties I encountered, I loved it here. I still do. Hopefully, everyone who sent me supportive messages and my friend from my old account are doing well now. Some are not active on the site anymore, but I wish them well. I also wish the same for all current MJJCommunity members. ❤️

~ DJ
 
A word of cautionary advice. You're being far too open on the Internet. Be careful what you share about yourself.
 
A word of cautionary advice. You're being far too open on the Internet. Be careful what you share about yourself.
Good point, and thank you for your concern. Thankfully, I have no intentions to share extremely vulnerable information such as my exact address, school information, etc. I know better. I'm aware of how dangerous the Internet can be, no matter where you are.

However, I don't think it's extremely damaging to share this very important life experience of mine which this forum and Michael Jackson has had a lot to do with, and which some MJJC members were also a witness to. I've also purposely left out a lot of details from this post that are more personal.

I think it can also help other members on this forum give some context surrounding my decision to return and really, who I am as a person, what I intend to contribute here, and show signs that I've emotionally matured. And from past experiences, being more candid about myself has brought out the more supportive side of the community and gave me a voice that often gets silenced at home. This post is also in the "What about us" forum, so it fits.
 
I remember you, welcome back DJ
I remember you too! It's so nice to see you again, even though we didn't interact much. I mostly just remember you from the "The Last One to Post in This Thread Wins" thread, lmao.
 
I remember you too! It's so nice to see you again, even though we didn't interact much. I mostly just remember you from the "The Last One to Post in This Thread Wins" thread, lmao.
Yes, I abandoned that never ending battle, I’m not insane enough to continue that. 😛
 
Gave up, huh?

I still see that @zinniabooklover and @Agonum are still at it, though!
Can I just say, in my defence, I'm not actually playing the 'who will win' game on Last Person, lol. I just like posting random sh!t - although I say 'random', it actually all makes sense to me and there's always a reason behind what I post or there's a theme in my head or whatever. This year, I'm using the thread purely as distraction from a major bereavement I had a couple of months ago and which is still messing up my head. My entire MJJC activity, really, is just me derailing myself from reality bc right now reality stinks plus procrastination is my middle name. But I'm not trying to 'win'. No-one is ever gonna win that thread.

I do like the fact that, with Last Person, you can't ever go off-topic. That's quite handy for me, lol. :ROFLMAO:

I still post stuff in Cute Baby Animals! :)

They are true warriors, I’m just a pretender, a great pretender though!
Cool joke! Great song. ❤️
 
My entire MJJC activity, really, is just me derailing myself from reality bc right now reality stinks plus procrastination is my middle name.
I'm so sorry. I hope things get better for you soon. ❤️

I still post stuff in Cute Baby Animals! :)
OMG I forgot about that thread! There's probably a lot of old threads of mine that I forgot about.

Sometimes, I wish I could wipe a lot of my old threads on my old account from existence entirely (even though no one has probably responded to most of them in like seven months or so). Because some of them were ACTUALLY embarrassing. That's why I don't think I'm "oversharing" now. Because I ACTUALLY overshared a LOT of things in the past. Not that a lot of it was very surprising to see on an MJ fan forum, but some of it... Some of it should have been justifiable reasoning to send me to a psychiatric hospital. But I promise I'm so much better mentally now. And they will continue to get better.

Anyways, the Cute Baby Animal thread is one of the ones that I do NOT regret making. Glad to know that one is still being bumped. 🤙
 
Hey dj!!! welcome back good to see u here again

Im so proud of you having the courage to come out and dont worry bout your mother YOU BE YOU! as long as u treat people with the respect that you would want in return thats all that matters. You will never be judged here
 
Im so proud of you having the courage to come out and dont worry bout your mother YOU BE YOU! as long as u treat people with the respect that you would want in return thats all that matters. You will never be judged here
Thank you so much. This kind of support means EVERYTHING to me, and I am so thankful to have it by my side.

Part of this rehabilitation is also working on how I interact with others online. Especially last year, I often found myself in many useless altercations that didn't even do any real good for me at all, even here on MJJC. That is ending now. I no longer want to engage in drama. I used to be so into it, but now, I have absolutely no interest. And hearing of it absolutely disinterests me as well.

I also made the decision to come back as, although I'm finally able to use it as much as I please, more mainstream social media networks have offered me a lot more negativity and hate. MJJC, however, is a lot more closely knit. It's like a family. Everyone knows each other, everyone knows you. You don't have to think too much about the validation of complete strangers. I also found that discussions here are a lot more critical and intellectual + I like to use MJJC as an outlet to express my more detailed creative ideas.

Thanks so much for these positive messages. ❤️
 
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